As the economy continues to slide ever deeper into recession – dragging the entire civilized world along with it in one spectacular leap into the great oil scam abyss – we get the mainstream media’s too-cute economic pundits telling us things designed to make us laugh out loud. Which could actually be semi-useful, considering how many neurosciencey-type researchers keep telling us how much humor can help us conquer stress and depression and other unavoidable side-effects of living in interesting times. But only if you actually read their sage advice *as* comedy, meant to lighten your mood.
For instance, the jokers over at CNN Money have some real thigh-slappers on what we regular people should do ‘just in case’ the worst happens (the whole house of cards comes tumbling down). We need to beef up our “emergency funds,” we’re told, as if we had more cash to stash in zip lock bags in the freezer than the two to three weeks’ worth (which we’d still have to scrimp to save up) advised in the post Hold On: The Ride’s Just Starting.
We are told that in the face of bank failures, job losses and investment wipeouts that the “standard advice” is to keep at least three months’ worth of living expenses ‘socked away’ if there are two wage earners in the family, six months’ worth if there’s just one breadwinner. Surely it can’t be that difficult to just take ten or twenty thousand dollars out of your bank or investment portfolio in small bills and find a safe place in the house to hide it from the teenagers, right? Hahahaha. That’s a good one.
Of course, in a recession such as the one the deputy campaign manager and financial advisor for Republican candidate John McCain told us was “all in our heads,” a year’s income is a better idea, particularly if you’re fairly close to retirement. I mean, that money’s not exactly going to grow any time soon, and will more likely melt away into nothing instead. They say buy a money market account or put it into your savings account, but what good is that going to do when the fund goes bankrupt and the bank shuts its doors? Hmmm… I guess at that point we’ll be really glad we’ve got that week or two’s worth of expenses in the zip lock bag in the freezer. True clowns.
But fear not! Those of us who don’t have big investment portfolios or maxed-out savings accounts and CDs are, according to CNN Money, still demonstrating a strong reluctance to give up everyday pleasures. But the truth is that Americans are eating out less, not spending a lot at movie theaters, cutting back on buying clothes and taking exotic vacations, and not driving nearly as much as they used to.
Americans are, not surprisingly in view of inflation and cutting back elsewhere, shelling out for HD and flat-panel televisions and are not dropping their expensive cable or satellite subscriptions. There are also inexpensive ways to travel or take nice family vacations close to home. More and more people are learning about the thrill of thrifting and seeking things they need secondhand or even free. Even better – for everyone’s health given recent salmonella outbreaks across the country due to fresh produce imported from Mexico – people are flooding local farmer’s markets and buying food produced closer to home.
While not exactly a joke, it’s nice to find ourselves ahead of the curve on advice now being given to the wealthy on how they can possibly survive the coming depression. When it gets bad, they may look around and see that not everyone is lining up to jump out of 7th story windows, but are instead living life just fine without a lot of money.